masquerade

the armour i wear to protect my heart
a hardened shell against the harshness of life
it keeps things out, but also things in
i feel i will suffocate inside my own skin

i want to speak, to yell, to shriek
to let you know that i am weak
a child’s heart inside of me, broken and bruised
tossed like a rag doll, feeling abused

but fear is a giant not easily slain
a few smooth stones won’t ease this pain
hidden deep where no one can see
are all of the things that make me, me

the aching, the worry, anxiety, distress
pride and anger and all of my mess
it’s ugly, it’s raw, it’s scary and harsh
grown over with weeds like a dark muddy marsh

an imposter it seems with a smile painted on
but the torment is real when left all alone
comfort and happiness seem to elude
like noises competing, always a feud

each sunrise that comes and brings a new day
is a chance to start over and find a new way
continually searching, not finding the cure
makes it easy to let blind enticement allure

“take this, buy that and you will be well”
instead as time ebbs i continue to fail
to give up seems the option, the only thing left
but the pain is mine, i must bear the heft

the focus it seems not outward, but in
is the only way for tranquility to win
a treaty is needed as the sides wage a war
the hope and the longing rise up from my core

the doubt and the damage take up their arms
they have their ways and all of their charms
the fight that is raging each day and each night
is not easy to ignore, though try as i might

as long as i live this battle will rage
it will fight to keep me inside of this cage
people around, but lonely i feel
it’s not just in my head, i know it is real

Published by

kim

feminist, wife, mother, avid reader. lover of the beach, coffee, wine, and good gluten-free food!

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